Land of the free

I have invented a new type of gun. My new type of gun is called a “nuclear bomb gun”. It will literally annihilate the entire earth when detonated, and be available for any American citizen to purchase, as is their god given right under the second amendment, should they need to protect themselves from others…

Ill behaviour.

I’m thinking of opening up my house as a weight loss clinic, after last week I lost 5.5lbs in as many days. My weight loss clinic is going to be called The Victorian Krankenhaus Poorhouse, and rather than having to do anything difficult like stop eating sugar you just turn up, lick our work surfaces…

Home.

Home. I feel these hills in my bones Love stretched taut Over the skeleton Of Froggatt Edge This sun blazed face On the right side of the valley   The colour of these rocks is my soul Dreich As the Scots But grit, enduring As Edensor blue   Fin cop Higger tor White sky Winter…

Happy Birthday Dickhead!

It’s my husband’s birthday today. Unlike the year when I asked him what he wanted and he said ‘nothing really’ so he got, precisely, ‘nothing’ really, this year I have showered him with thoughtful and lovely gifts. My motivation for this was to stop him telling everyone he’s ever met about the time when his…

Cold.

Go, now.   Cross the threshold of your front door and breathe in the sharp night air Gaze up at the star-peppered bright north sky that has watched you, now far from those days of your youth when you did not take for granted the contrast between safety and warmth and the thrill of cold…