Only a frothing beserking fool would voluntarily sign up for an event that, without a seeming shred of irony, calls itself ‘The Suffering’.
People. I am that fool.
And it is with a growing sense of rising panic that I sit in my jogging bottoms and pour myself another glass of prosecco instead of grunting and sweating my way through a ‘workout DVD’, the shrill voice of reason pointing out that if I can’t carry a tyre up a 1:12 hill today, no amount of jumping jacks in my pants in the living room will give me that capability by two days time.
The Suffering is, apparently, a 5k race which includes mud, obstacles, an unholy degree of cold, icy, English November water and quite possibly in my case, public humiliation. In a fit of jubilant optimism some months ago, I signed up, full of the joys of an indian summer, and with the notion that whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, except that in this case I will almost definitely have to sign a waiver that if it does kill me I won’t sue.
(I will sue)
So here’s the thing – I’m not very good at this sort of thing. I peak too early (Last month’s ‘training’ I ran three times a week. This month, not so much). I have spindly weak arms. I can’t do press ups. I have broken various arms three times. My face goes a funny colour when I run and I harbour shameful nameless fears about being trampled over during the event by chuntering squaddies and women with pneumatic tits who 1. look good in lycra and 2. have intact stomach muscles.
BUT! (and this is the point).
LIFE IS SHORT!
And life is for living. What’s the worst that can happen? (barring the waiver) The event is this Saturday, and I will be running with my team, Team Hell Yeah (because Hell why not?!) – Kat, Yvonne, Matt and last minute recruit Lisa. It is going to be both hard, and utterly pointless, in equal measure – but it’s this sort of stuff that makes me feel alive. No-one gets remembered for the things they didn’t do (to quote Frank Turner) so if you fancy joining us, or just coming along to point and laugh, you will be most welcome.
Next weeks blog: Muddy Hell.
Watch this space…