For Sale: Utter Shite

Got too much time on your hands?

Fancy a bit of a project?

Why not consider buying this shit caravan that I currently have listed for sale on Ebay. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but someone somewhere has got to have more time on their hands than me to fix it up…

caravan project for sale

Possible alterations / uses considered thus far include:

  • shit playhouse
  • shit dogging hotspot
  • shit murdering venue
  • shit camping apparatus
  • shit living room alternative
  • shit spare bedroom
  • shit tearoom
  • shit granny annexe
  • shit shit shit

If you know of anyone willing to tar and feather / repaint / renovate this frankly forlorn looking eyesore then please share my ebay listing. If we don’t find a buyer, it might well end up forming the basis of a Top Gear style flaming caravan challenge, and knowing my husband as I do, these sorts of things never end well for anyone.

He claims he only bought it whilst drunk, on ebay, as it came as the ‘packaging’ for the camping fridge inside, which he has since removed. Apparently, this is why he failed to mention to me, his wife, that he had bought a caravan, for THREE WHOLE WEEKS. I only ‘discovered’ it belonged to us when I ventured round the back of the office for the first time in a while, and asked where the dogging hotspot had sprung up from.

This is the same man who I once came home to find, entirely unprompted, playing with a gas cylinder and a bucket, gleefully “making fire come out of water” so please do the decent thing and ensure that the “caravan” gets sold asap, otherwise lord knows where we’ll all end up….


 

If you likey like my idiotic ramblings, why not join my sinister cult on Facebook, so you’ll get notified every time there’s a new post. Cult membership this way.

Dicking about on Twitter here

Pictures of my breakfast on Instagram here.

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26 Comments Add yours

  1. smig64 says:

    Having read your bit on eBay I had to find your WordPress blog. Look forward to reading more, you’re an excellent writer

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Same here, I especially like the Camp Bestival article – I might be brave and take my kids there next year (slightly better option than Download Festival I suspect).

        Like

  2. Linda says:

    I’m really chuffed to have found your blog after having read all about your gawjus caravan (someone kindly shared on Facebook). As the mother of twin idiots (twidiots?), I’ve had six years of stereophonic idiocy. You’ve certainly made me laugh this evening. I’m off to do some (more) ironing…….

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Lindsay says:

      Thanks Linda. Maybe you should bid, it’s a snip at Ā£70k?

      Like

  3. Trish says:

    My god you are hilarious! I too had to look and find your WordPress blog after seeing this on Facebook via The Lad Bible!
    You go girl !!
    I hope your future continues to be full of the silliness that will keep you sane!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lindsay says:

      Thanks! The world has truly gone mental if I am on the LadBible! Currently having the most.fun.ever. replying to all the strangers on Ebay who’ve emailed….

      Liked by 1 person

  4. My hubby is an EBay fan. Had he seen your listing before the bids went stratospheric I suspect this may have ended up in our garden. He said he thought the ‘dogging’ was a great idea – as we don’t have a dog I’m not sure what he meant… šŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Matthew mcclements says:

    Yes. Another visitor who sought out your blog having read the shit caravan eBay listing.
    Reading your hilarious description whilst lying in bed trying not to wake the other half is like trying not to laugh at the back of the class or in the library.
    I literally can’t remember the last time I laughed this much. My face hurts.
    I’m looking forward to the blog.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. bettyandpeg says:

    Absolutely hilarious…and I think the question and answers have made me belly laff even more! (Although you have described me to a tee! šŸ˜ )
    So glad to have read it as I wouldn’t have stumbled upon your fab blog! Very entertaining šŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  7. springermad says:

    Brilliant, Shall now read your blog too as came across your ad through Rods and sods forum.

    Like

    1. Lindsay says:

      Rods and sods. Ok!

      Like

  8. Sarah says:

    At the risk of sounding like a broken record, you are absolutely hilarious! I too originally saw your caravan ad on lad bible and have since been looking through your hilarious responses to the questions on eBay. You are giving me way too much enjoyment while I’m supposed to be working aha!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lindsay says:

      Thanks! If I spent half as much time either doing 1. my actual job or 2. parenting as I have done today emailing hilarious strangers, I might be rich enough to not have need of a caravan sale income…

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Ari Feingold says:

    Hilarious listing, and I’m so pleased I found your blog, you’ve made my Friday! Have a great BH weekend

    Liked by 1 person

  10. janetwebb says:

    Thank you. That’s all; just thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. chrisjay69 says:

    I take it Ebay took the advert down? such a pity was much fun..

    Like

    1. Lindsay says:

      Yep – it went against their sense of humour policy. I’ve put the full original listing up in the next post on this blog in case you want to revisit it!

      Like

  12. PenJay says:

    Just settling down with a cup of gin errr oh no I mean tea! – to read your blog. You write exceptionally well AND you’re funny! I got the link to this from Mumsnet AIBU where you are now something of a hero!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Ali Draper says:

    You’ve dragged me back to WordPress – not exactly kicking and screaming.
    I have to discover all the whistles, buttons and bells again. Thought I commented earlier, but I might have dreamt it.
    Excellent blog. Excellent listing.

    Like

  14. Did you save a copy? – It’s gone from ebay

    Like

    1. Lindsay says:

      HI – you can find the full listing and Q&A on the next blog post along from this one!

      Like

  15. Pippy Loo says:

    Much needed gufaw. Gd work. Where is the caravan now?

    Like

    1. Lindsay says:

      SOLD to a real live caravan lover! He genuinely seemed a little disappointed at how shite it was when he arrived to pick it up. I imagine he probably lives in it now or something.

      Like

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