I can die at peace now knowing I have finally achieved the life goal of having a large picture of my gooning face featured in the Daily Star. Admittedly, it was accompanied by the large headline “SHABBY” and they put my age at “44”, but hey, one thing at a time right?
That, and featuring as a subject for discussion (albeit in the third person) on Mumsnet AIBU talk board now means that I’m fairly confident that the rest of my life is going to go pretty much downhill from here on in, but never in my second wildest dreams* did I imagine that over half a million people would view my stupid Ebay advert. (And that most of them would then email me too. Many of whom also being over-enthusiastically curious about obscure dogging practices. And killing.)
*(The first-wildest dreams feature improbable situations which include Eddie Redmayne and are not really relevant in this context. Probably a lot of the strangers who emailed me would be into that sort of shizzle, but some things are best left unsaid, I find.)
One of the most fun things in the last 24 hrs has been the sheer volume of hilarious emails and comments on the listing itself, and the various newspapers which ran the “story”, some of which I’m only just getting round to reading now. Personal favourites include:
“That husband should get in that camper and get as far away as possible from that shrill, screeching harpy.”
“What a spoiled woman. What’s wrong with it? It’s a little small for my tastes but other than that, it looks like it’s in pretty good shape.”
“She looks like a dogger.”
I win. I think. However, the fact remains that as Ebay pulled the listing, I am some way shy of the last £80,100 bid, and lets face it – all this fizzy wine is not going to buy itself!! Luckily, a new internet stranger / friend called Brendan Ashbrook of his own free will pointed out that this blog is a rich source of ironic T-shirt material, and knocked up the following BECAUSE HE IS A WIZARD:
By my reckoning, I would only need to sell a mere 8,010 of these at a tenner each and then at least all this publicity might finally begin to pay. Form an orderly queue for orders below please…..
*NEWSFLASH – You can now ACTUALLY BUY these T-shirts and be much, much cooler than all your friends.
This time next year Rodders, etc etc…
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Dicking about on Twitter here
Pictures of my breakfast on Instagram here.