Shithouse Caravan-gate: The Aftermath

shithouse caravan ebay listing
Tabloid fodder.

I can die at peace now knowing I have finally achieved the life goal of having a large picture of my gooning face featured in the Daily Star. Admittedly, it was accompanied by the large headline “SHABBY” and they put my age at “44”, but hey, one thing at a time right?

That, and featuring as a subject for discussion (albeit in the third person) on Mumsnet AIBU talk board now means that I’m fairly confident that the rest of my life is going to go pretty much downhill from here on in, but never in my second wildest dreams*  did I imagine that over half a million people would view my stupid Ebay advert. (And that most of them would then email me too. Many of whom also  being over-enthusiastically curious about obscure dogging practices. And killing.)

*(The first-wildest dreams feature improbable situations which include Eddie Redmayne and are not really relevant in this context. Probably a lot of the strangers who emailed me would be into that sort of shizzle, but some things are best left unsaid, I find.)

One of the most fun things in the last 24 hrs has been the sheer volume of hilarious emails and comments on the listing itself, and the various newspapers which ran the “story”, some of which I’m only just getting round to reading now. Personal favourites include:

“That husband should get in that camper and get as far away as possible from that shrill, screeching harpy.”

“What a spoiled woman. What’s wrong with it? It’s a little small for my tastes but other than that, it looks like it’s in pretty good shape.”

and,

“She looks like a dogger.”

I win. I think. However, the fact remains that as Ebay pulled the listing, I am some way shy of the last £80,100 bid, and lets face it – all this fizzy wine is not going to buy itself!! Luckily, a new internet stranger / friend called Brendan Ashbrook of his own free will pointed out that this blog is a rich source of ironic T-shirt material, and knocked up the following BECAUSE HE IS A WIZARD:

Shithouse Crap Caravan T-Shirt
Shithouse crap caravan T-shirt. Sets off your beard a treat.
I washing my donkey T-Shirt
What do you mean, you don’t get it? Click for previous blog post…

By my reckoning, I would only need to sell a mere 8,010 of these at a tenner each and then at least all this publicity might finally begin to pay. Form an orderly queue for orders below please…..

*NEWSFLASH – You can now ACTUALLY BUY these T-shirts and be much, much cooler than all your friends.

CLICK HERE TO VISIT MY IRONIC MERCHANDISE EMPORIUM…

This time next year Rodders, etc etc…


 

If you likey like my idiotic ramblings, why not join my sinister cult on Facebook, so you’ll get notified every time there’s a new post. Cult membership this way.

Dicking about on Twitter here

Pictures of my breakfast on Instagram here.

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13 Comments Add yours

  1. Ginge says:

    Mistake – read this whilst brushing teeth and spat toothpaste all over phone whilst laughing.

    Husband wants a t shirt please. I will take one for daddy rick also.

    X

    >

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lindsay says:

      Win! Can I send him one for Sir Bradley too?

      Like

  2. Heh-heh. It just keeps getting a better. Sunday morn and I start the day off with a laugh. Cheers, Linds.

    Like

  3. Sheena says:

    Thank you. You’re Hilarious. Love it.

    Like

  4. Debbie Taylor says:

    I love reading your blogs. So glad I found you!

    Like

  5. Lindsay says:

    Cheers Sheena, glad you like the blog!

    Like

  6. Lindsay says:

    And Debbie too… Please feel free to help others ‘find’ me too so I can become wildly famous/rich and jack it all in. (Or failing that, just earn enough to complete our bathroom renovations.)

    Like

  7. Wendy says:

    Am I right in thinking you still have the caravan in your garden? Does this mean that I’m going to have to dig up my poor, dead mother and admit she was right when she told me that funny women always came to a bad end?

    Like

  8. Ali Draper says:

    I like the black t-shirt but would want a slight modification. Could the artist’s design include an hashtag? I’m thinking #ebayandcrime or #callmecrystal or #dreamdoggingden

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Chris says:

    I started out all full of admiration for your comedy genius. However, I then read your blog, and can now only conclude your poor, mistreated, husband is having his better nature abused as your comedy fodder. It was the Camp Bestival posts that prove it (those posts almost had me paying over £600 immediately to take our own Marginally Rickety Caravan and Slightly Less Rickety Family next year, before I remembered I do not have £600 – I think the vetting/checkout process may have uncovered this fact to be fair, given there was no pixie-dust payment option). Given a few weeks you industrious husband would clearly have fashioned this caravan into some kind of mobile palace of the kind that would make George A’Mazingspace weep with wonder. He was clearly keeping it secret until then. Bloomin wimmin…

    PS – can you add a link to where I can buy a t-shirt…

    Like

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