Little Britain

Regno-Unito-Union-Jack-Imc

This LEAVE business has gone so well, why stop there? Frankly I’m not happy that every law I have to be governed by is set out far away in London by people whose job it is to consider all possible outcomes and vote on the best. What have London ever done for us anyway? We need to take this further. We need to take not just our country back, but our county! Our villages! Take them back!!

I’m stating my intention to campaign for the Independent Hilltop Republic of My Village, effective immediately run solely by, and for the benefit of anyone who was born here. I wasn’t, so obviously will be leaving as soon as my regime comes into effect, but everyone else will be much more secure knowing that those leftist bastards from Yardley Hastings can no longer freely enter our borders and take the few remaining seats on the park benches when it’s busy after school. No longer will people from Kettering with a slightly different way of pronouncing “alright me duck” be allowed to travel within our boundaries and take any of the few paid jobs on offer in our glorious village; we will rise and we will prosper!

No longer will the local econony be governed by the decisions of largely well educated people who have dedicated their entire lives to becoming experts in their fields, who make difficult decisions which often do not even directly benefit me, or the people in my immediate family. In the new Independent Hilltop Republic of My Village all decisions will be taken on an individual, short term basis by people like me who don’t know shit about shit, which is going to work out MUCH BETTER for everyone involved because then everyone will be richer, happier and get their own way all of the time and nothing will be sad or difficult ever again.

I intend to immediately negotiate a trade deal with China, because lets face it, they’re probably crying out to trade with a small Northamptonshire village. I’m convinced it will be much easier to make these kinds of deals being a small independent village republic, because then we won’t have to consider the immediate impact of any such deal to mass import Chinese goods, weapons or anything else we might need on our immediate neighbours in Wollaston, except possibly ask them to let us use the bit of the main road which goes there, but we’ll deal with that later. I’m sure they wouldn’t charge us anything.

This village was a great place to live five hundred years ago when parliament had much less influence on ordinary English people’s lives because everyone was busy avoiding being burnt as a witch, fighting murderous civil wars and colonising previously pretty happy, independent far flung countries and I know this for certain even though I wasn’t born. I propose we can be great again. We probably don’t even need all the things that come with the so-called ‘progress’ since then like debate, democracy, laws, human rights, running water, freedom of movement, mains electricity, Euro 2016, subsidies and “maternity pay” because these are a liberalist TRICK to detract us from the real evils in society, which include those bastards down the road at Wellingborough Tesco, selling us ‘exotic’ over regulated fruits which aren’t even English at low prices benefiting from free trade with our immediate neighbours, and the sort of mass buying power we won’t need from here on in.

In our republic, the only things we will eat will be grown on OUR LAND, by OUR CHILDREN, who will all be  working fifteen hour days and leaving school by aged six in order to grow enough wonky carrots to feed us all. It worked in the past, it can work again. No-one will be regulating OUR carrots EVER AGAIN.

I’m gunning for an independent village republic, and on that note we should probably have a look at our gun laws while we’re at it, because that’s working out really well for places like America. There won’t be any terrorists in our village anyway, because we’ll see them coming down the A509 and not let them in.

MAKE OUR VILLAGE GREAT AGAIN! THINK SMALL!!

 


Join me in my crusade – #votevillage on facebook, twitter and instagram. Afraid it’s still pictures of interior styling projects on Pinterest for the time being, but everyone will still need a nice looking house come the revolution though don’t they?

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. Duncan Noble says:

    Thanks for that. Very well done!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Think small indeed! It’s about time we seized back power from an enemy who’s on our side, to restore a time which never existed… “It’s a victory for the ordinary man”, said one millionaire Etonian as he slid aside to make way for another millionaire Etonian.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Duncan Noble says:

    The biggest problem I see with both Brexit and Trump is that people are not willing or able to think for themselves. They would rather outsource their thinking to some powerful white man/hero/demagogue who will make all their problems go away and Make X Great Again. Newsflash: it doesn’t work like that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Karen says:

      Bit harsh Duncan. Not sure every single one of the +17 million leave voters are unable or willing to think for themselves. I made up my own mind by researching and listening to experts (Professor in EU law for one). There is a huge disconnect felt by the majority who have rejected a European Union that they don’t believe in. It is far easier for the remain voters to put us all in one camp though as stupid and racist than debate sensibly. It was not all about immigration either as the media would have you believe.

      Like

  4. babbitman says:

    So bitter sweet, funny and soul-achingly depressing at the same time. We’re currently experiencing the “see, it’s not so bad” effect. Because we haven’t actually left yet. Doh.

    Like

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