The start of the middle

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It’s not the first day, but the last that’s the worst.

A day, like the rest, like all of the rest

except different. For this one is weighted

with memories I’ve carried these years of your life.

 

I weigh them now, clear as amber; solid as beads that click and graze

together on this necklace thread of our lives.

Measuring line and length of my love, it spools heavier than I might bear today.

Tomorrow will come; tomorrow will be great. You will arrive, and return but I –

I will be different.

 

I’m not mourning for you, I’m mourning for me. Like I mourned for my old life

before you were here.

You are my life. How did I not see

how much I would miss this comfortable rhythm

of you, me, days, and days.

 

Days which now you will spend somewhere else

while I go on, and learn to pretend I forget those times you were small, when you cried.

When you followed me inside, out.

Endless, tedious days at the park. Excuses for coffees, those cafe’s were ours but now – where would I go?

Tomorrow that life is an echo, empty of easy, unthinking purpose

like me, all of a sudden.

 

So it’s the end of that life. The end of the start.

The start of the middle, long may she sail.


 

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. babbitman says:

    There’s a clear difference between how mums approach Back To School, compared to dads. Particularly if they are ‘out at work ‘ dads.
    After a few weeks we tend to spot that they’ve been wearing the same clothes day after day; uniforms being compulsory at school.
    Ok, perhaps an exaggeration, but the precious moments of biscuits with your little cherubs at 11 am are possibly more precious because they are not ‘a given right ‘. Hold on to them because you’re the only one there to keep the memories safe.
    🙂

    Like

    1. Lindsay says:

      Yes, I think you’re right. I feel so lucky that I got to spend the times at home I did with my children – not always at the time, obviously (some days were murder) but you only know what you’ve got when it’s gone. It’s so hard dealing with small children day in day out, that’s it’s too easy to forget that it’s not forever. It’s a big change for any parent to go through but I think particularly for whichever parent has borne the brunt of most of the week days.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Anonymous says:

    Beautiful

    Like

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