NEWS: UK inflation inflates UK to enormous balloon-like proportions

The UK has been inflated to the size of an exceptionally large child’s balloon and is in danger of floating off into space, leading economists announced today.

The country, already stretched to bursting point, has been inflated past the point of no return by recent increases in the cost of every single thing any normal citizen would be expected to afford, and the corresponding plummeting of anything anchoring the nation in something like reality.

“We anticipate that if something isn’t done by Christmas we might see the UK float entirely free of the upper atmosphere as increasing numbers of ordinary people stop being able to understand anything at all about the financial future of this country” claims a government expert. “This will obviously further our stated aim to leave the EU, with the unfortunate side effect that 100% of our population will instantly die due to the lack of breathable air in outer space. However, we in no way see this as a direct consequence of Brexit.”

The Bank of England has predicted that the UK is ‘certain to rise’, perhaps even as high as the International Space Station, although this was still 90% below the target destination of crashing the country directly into the Sun to be consumed in a hellish fireball of misery.

“This will undoubtedly be tough on those with any expectation that anyone is in charge of running this shit-show”, a source claimed. “However, once we’re all floating free up in space the astronomical cost of petrol, clothes, food and hotel stays will all be a distant memory and we will be free to fight each other to the death over the last remaining jars of marmite to our heart’s content as UK law probably doesn’t even apply outside of this planet anyway.”

 


Want more “news” like this? Join my facebook page for notifications of new news, old news, all the news. Have I got news for you. Just like The Daily Mash but with 5 billion fewer subscribers.

Stalk me on Instagram, why not.

Ignore everything I ever put on Twitter. (Seems fair)


 

Whilst you’re here, some of my most read stuff…

Shithouse Crap Caravan

When your kids are being dicks and everything’s shit.

Family Camping: What we learned

Party Time: Rules for parents

 

Advertisements

5 Comments Add yours

  1. babbitman says:

    I have a sneaking suspicion that this might be satire. But in these crazy days of 2016, I really can’t tell.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I get it…you’re one of those luddites who believe in facts, and all that nonsense. Facts are so 2015 😉

    Like

  3. I suppose the best, if drastic, solution to an inflationary vehicle filled with so much hot air is a prick. Where is Boris when he’s needed?

    Like

    1. Lindsay says:

      YES. Nailed it!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s