The Ten Glorious Stages of Christmas Shopping

It goes down a bit like this round these parts: 1. October. Pick up some chocolate money by the tills in Boots. Lose it within minutes of getting home. 2. November. Fistful of ¬£1 stocking fillers from the pound shop. Also lost somewhere in your house. 3. First 15 days of December: Do nothing. Nothing…

Some appalling Christmas traditions you’ll almost definitely recognise.

It’s nearly December, the season of cheese, because who doesn’t love consuming three whole Stiltons whilst internet shopping drunk on sherry. That’s what Christmas means to me my love. I operate a strict embargo of NO CHRISTMAS CHAT until the very end of November, but I’m breaking my own rule this year to share with…

Love the rain: Surviving dark times.

These dark days in November, it’s easy to start hating everything. Let’s face it, it’s pretty hard to be pleased about leaden skies, soggy shoes and no sign of the warmth of the sun on your face for a long time to come. I think this holds true for a lot in life these days…

Going on holiday. By mistake.

“WE’VE GONE ON HOLIDAY BY MISTAKE. We’re in this cottage here. Are you the farmer?” “Stop SAYING that Withnail – of COURSE he’s the fucking farmer” So went my mind for most of my recent half term holiday in North Norfolk, without my husband, with two of my friends, and also with an idiotic number…

NEWS: UK inflation inflates UK to enormous balloon-like proportions

The UK has been inflated to the size of an exceptionally large child’s balloon and is in danger of floating off into space, leading economists announced today. The country, already stretched to bursting point, has been inflated past the point of no return¬†by recent increases in the cost of every single thing any normal citizen…