Why I travelled to Durham

Around midnight on Thursday, the twenty sixth of March, I spoke to the prime minister. He told me that he’d tested positive for COVID. I realised at that point that it really wouldn’t matter what I did, as long as I had the balls to just completely bullshit the press, the public and any other…

What kind of British person do you want to be then, eh?

Now that this Brexit business is done and dusted, we all have a choice to make. We know that Brexit was about ‘taking back control’ of Britain, Britishness and everything British that has been oppressed by these unelected bureaucrats forcing things like maternity pay and a continent-wide court of human rights upon us. No more….

How to have a bastard brilliant ski holiday

I’m supposed to be finishing writing an ebook this week but yesterday I got back from having a fucking brilliant ski holiday, so instead I am taking a short interlude to instruct you all on how to have the very same. 1. Go with the most amusing people you know It doesn’t matter if they…

Home, where the spoons are.

Last weekend I found myself tramping through the quiet graveyard of a historic church with my children in tow. Back visiting my parents in the village I grew up in, I’d just enjoyed a kind of watershed moment, realising that one day I would probably be back in this graveyard ON PURPOSE and not just…

Surviving a heatwave with children

Remember those balmy days of your past where once the sun came out you’d be in a beer garden sipping down 90’s drinks with gay abandon before you had even phoned in sick? With kids in tow, hot weather becomes infinitely less pleasant. Here’s how to survive parenting through anything above 18C… Sunscreen Approach sunscreen…